Real

"If you look at our disappointments, you'll see what you love. When the bottom falls out, you'll learn stuff about what you love that you never knew before. It won't always be pretty. You'll learn what you believe. You'll learn what you really believe, when the bottom falls out. When the crushing disappointments come. And you'll learn where you really rest, where you'll really find your fulfilment and satisfaction and security. You'll find what your real treasure is, when the disappointments come."

- Ligon Duncan, T4G 2012 in "The Underestimated God"

Depressed

Not gonna lie, pretty depressed.

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and will then repay every man according to his deeds.
Matt 16:24-26

I read this in my devotions this morning. To be honest, I did not feel like reading Scripture today, that is how sin is. It robs you of your joy, and then it requires a lot more effort to come before God. And I'm not speaking only of personal sin, but the far-reaching consequences of your sin in the lives of other believers.

And again, these issues point me to the question. 

"What am I doing?"

It seems like signing on for pastoral ministry is just begging for suffering. They are the men that are the most pitiful in the world. To be honest, I do not know if I have the stomach for it.