Outsource

I am slowly coming to a point in my life where I realize I cannot do everything. Thus, I am going to start outsourcing various parts of my life for other people to handle. Here are the positions that you can apply for: (Hopefully, our slow decline into a depression will increase the number of applicants)

Technology Advisor:
The ideal candidate for this position must be observant of current and future technological innovations. The key is to discover pieces of technology that would improve Richard's standard of living. Thus, the person who will be hired must also be able to sniff out a deal once it has been decided to add a particular technology to Richard's repertoire.

Market Analyst/Portfolio Advisor:
This position involves paying constant attention to economic news in the hope to expand Richard's assets. This individual should be well-versed in financial matters. All of this will be in effort to acquire the funding for the technology advisor's purchases.

Translator:
This individual will follow Richard around all day to avoid awkward social situations involving ordering food in a Chinese restaurant. Preference will be given to candidates that know multiple languages. Furthermore, if an individual knows ancient Hebrew, Aramic, and Greek... he/she will be catapulted to the shortlist.

Richard Impersonator: [Multiple positions available]
Perhaps the hardest position to fill, the Richard impersonator must possess similar rugged good lucks, undeniable intelligence, unbelievable charisma, etc. The Richard impersonator must be ever vigilant when called upon to replace Richard in awkward situations, situations involving work, faking my death, and in events where having a body double would prove to be hilarious.